What is your first reaction to an insult? Do you reciprocate or debate its validity? The aggressive designs and deploys an insult to generate a reaction — one that gives him control. When we do not react, the insult is defused. We must ignore insults, rather than immediately showing our annoyance. Solomon taught: “A fool […]
Leading the Aggressive Through Listening: Ignore Insults (Proverbs 12:16)
Direct Difficult People Toward Wisdom like a Highway Sign (Proverbs 24:11-12)
After connecting, deflecting, and reflecting of difficult behavior, comes the directing. When the difficult person understands that we are engaged with his heart, he becomes more open to our suggestions. This is when we want to direct him toward wisdom. Often, this is most effective when we offer multiple wise choices. In one of the […]
Reflect the Heart like a Mirror (Proverbs 27:19)
When dealing with a difficult person, do you struggle to reflect that person’s heart in a way that communicates you understand his or her desires? Unfortunately, most of us rarely stay engaged long enough to get that far and see that deeply. Because so few people connect with a difficult person’s heart and even fewer […]
Wisdom in Conflict Management Styles: Collaborate (Proverbs 11:27; 13:15; Philippians 2:3-4)
How often do you collaborate when you experience interpersonal conflict? God’s design for wise conflict management is that we work together to seek win-win solutions. Proverbs says that we find what we seek: “He who seeks good finds good will, but evil comes to him who searches for it” (Proverbs 11:27). In order to discover […]
Wisdom in Conflict Management Styles: Avoid (Proverbs 26:4-5; 20:3; 26:17)
Are you risking combat with a fool? Are you thinking of getting involved in a quarrel that is not your own without being asked? Perhaps, it’s time to consider how to avoid the person with whom you are experiencing tension. Proverbs provides two scenarios when we should avoid our counterpart in conflict. First, we should […]
Wisdom in Conflict Management Styles: Accommodate when Wrong (Proverbs 6:1-5)
Are you caught in a conflict that would dissolve if you would merely accommodate another person’s interest? Solomon offered four scenarios when it is wise to accommodate. First, we must accommodate another’s interest when we are wrong. Proverbs says that if we have been trapped by a foolish decision, then we should go, humble ourselves, […]
Wisdom in Conflict Management Styles: Compete (Proverbs 2:12, 16; 19:8)
During interpersonal conflict, when do you compete? Compete means we will pursue our own interest at the expense of another’s, making the perceived task of greater importance than the relationship. It usually implies a zero sum game. We will win while the other person equally loses. Proverbs says that wisdom will save us from wicked […]
Wisdom in Conflict Management Styles: Compromise (Proverbs 25:8)
During interpersonal conflict, when do you compromise? Compromise is moderate toward another’s interest and moderate toward our interest. Each party in the conflict gives in a little. Consequently, we should compromise when both choices at hand are acceptable to us. The key word is acceptable. In conflict, if we can accept both choices (our initial […]
Wisdom in Conflict Management Styles (Proverbs 3:5-6)
How do you manage conflict? Solomon realized that we were guaranteed conflict (two objects attempting to occupy the same space at the same time), so he left us nearly 1,000 wise sayings for conflict management. Psychologists describe a grid of five conflict management styles, each determined by our perspective of another person’s interest versus that […]
God is our Provider, Weigh Relationships > Remuneration (Proverbs 11:24-26)
When you earn money, do your actions demonstrate that you most value people or profit? In the third characteristic of a wise and generous heart, Solomon noted that we should weigh relationships greater than remuneration in order for resources to come in as God intended. Solomon witnessed how generosity multiplied wealth, yet greed perpetuated scarcity. […]