Do you devise ways for those outside Christ to find life with God or to remain separated from Him? Be careful, there is no neutral. We all devise ways to either pull people toward God or to push them away from Him. The determining factor is how we respond to the life-giving inspiration of the […]
God Devises Ways for Life (2 Samuel 14:14)
Leading the Passive Resistive through Listening: Humbly and Positively Provoke Him Toward Wisdom (Proverbs 11:2; 13:10; Hebrews 10:24)
Is the passive resistive in your life reluctant to change? When leading the passive resistive through listening, first, we need to be peaceful. Second, we must be patient. Third, we need to reveal a painless first step. Fourth, we need to humbly and positively provoke the passive resistive toward wisdom. We must express the positive […]
Leading the Passive Resistive through Listening: Reveal a Painless First Step (Proverbs 1:32-33; 14:15; 6:6-8)
Is the passive resistive in your life reluctant to change? When leading the passive resistive through listening, first, we need to be peaceful. Second, we must be patient. Third, we need to reveal a painless first step. This first step must be easy with little perceived conflict: “For the waywardness of the simple will kill […]
Leading the Passive Resistive through Listening: Be Patient (Proverbs 25:15)
Are you impatient with the passive resistive person in your life? When leading the passive resistive through listening, first, we need to be peaceful. Second, we must be patient. Wise King Solomon witnessed the power of patience: “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone” (Proverbs 25:15). Leading […]
Leading the Passive Resistive through Listening: Be Peaceful (Proverbs 12:20; 16:7; Romans 12:18)
When leading the passive resistive through listening, first, we need to be peaceful. Stirring up anger and anxiety increases the amount of conflict perceived by the passive resistive and shuts down the joy of any forward movement. Proverbs records: “There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who […]
Leading the Passive Resistive through Listening (Proverbs 26:12-15)
Do you have a passive resistive person in your life? The fourth difficult person is the people-oriented passive resistive. He is inactive and immovable. The fact that he is people-oriented, means that he can be averse to task and be nice about it. Consequently, his passive resistance makes him indirect in his difficult behavior — […]
Leading the People Pleaser through Listening: Graciously Support Him in the Wisest Direction (Proverbs 4:11; 24:11; 1 Thessalonians 5:14)
Have you ever noticed how the people pleaser in your life has a tendency to agree with almost everyone? The people pleaser is weak in willpower, and his desire for significance apart from Christ leads him to be a chameleon as he continually adjusts his values to accommodate whomever he is with at the moment. […]
Leading the People Pleaser Through Listening: Don’t Give In (Proverbs 26:24-25, 28)
The people pleaser uses flattery to gain an advantage. When he does, we are often tempted to give in because we like what we hear. Flattery comes from the Hebrew word for smooth. Designed to snag its target, flattery is a smooth way to capture the heart and life of another person (Proverbs 29:5). Flattery […]
Leading the People Pleaser through Listening: Don’t Be Gullible (Proverbs 26:23; 14:15)
Exaggeration is a powerful tool leveraged by the people pleaser. Distorted facts, recollections that stretch the imagination, and embellished stories all cleverly mishandle the truth. Solomon said: “Like a coating of glaze over earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart” (Proverbs 26:23). Just like that coating of glaze over earthenware makes the outside look […]
Leading the People Pleaser through Listening: Don’t Gossip (Proverbs 20:19, 26:20, 22)
Why is gossip so enticing? The more we speak, the more likely we are to gossip. This is a looming risk when we interact with the people pleaser. The people pleaser often speaks and thinks later. We need to be careful not to do the same. Gossip is unnecessary talk about others. It often includes […]
Leading the People Pleaser Through Listening (Proverbs 18:2; 26:22-25, 27-28: 29:5)
The third difficult person is the people pleaser who is noticeably people-oriented as opposed to the task-oriented aggressive and complainer. He agrees with everyone. Consequently, the people pleaser is indirect in his difficult behavior. He creates negative conflict when he promises everyone what they want to hear. The result is unmet expectations because the people […]
Leading the Complainer Through Listening: Teaching Excellence Rather Than Perfection (Proverbs 20:9; 28:13; 13:14; 24:13-14)
Is the complainer in your life a perfectionist? If so, he, most likely, possesses a propensity to learn. Consequently, we can teach him how excellence, not perfection, is God’s design. Teaching excellence rather than perfection to the complainer means that we communicate how God intends us to manage our expectations. Proverbs, meaning generally true, most […]
Leading the Complainer Through Listening: Rephrase Absolute Statements with a Question (Colossians 4:5-6; Proverbs 27:9; 10:21; 14:8)
Questions generate answers, but statements produce resistance. Questions are imperative when leading a complainer through listening. Because he sees issues as black and white (right or wrong), the complainer fights to be right and is notorious for making absolute statements that leverage the words always and never. For example, “You never call me!” When we […]
Leading the Complainer Through Listening: Encourge (1 Thessalonians 5:14; Proverbs 12:25; 15:23)
Can you think of someone who has discouraged you? Now picture someone who has encouraged you. Here’s the big question. Which person resembles you? Encouragement includes the Latin, cor, which means “heart.” An encourager breathes life into the hearts of others. A discourager sucks the life right out of them. Encouraging is imperative when leading […]
Leading the Complainer through Listening: Comfort (Proverbs 16:24; 25:11)
Our first step in leading a complainer through listening is to comfort him, connecting with his heart. Comfort literally means “to call along side.” It comes from the Latin, com meaning “together” and fortis which is translated “strong.” Comfort strengthens together. Comforting a complainer means that we come alongside him and communicate the words, “I […]
Leading the Complainer through Listening (Philippians 2:14)
Do you frequently encounter a complainer in your life? How does each interaction make you feel? The second difficult person is the direct hitter known as the complainer. A complainer whines for at least four reasons: (1) he fears being misunderstood; (2) he focuses on the negative; (3) he fights to be right, seeing issues […]
Leading the Aggressive through Listening: Give Wise Choices (Proverbs 8:10; 16:16)
Do you ever feel hopeless in your attempts to deal with the strong will of an aggressive person? Solomon offered a secret to leading the aggressive through listening. In order to direct the aggressive toward wisdom, we must offer choices to the aggressive so that he is not robbed of his will: “Choose my instruction […]
Leading the Aggressive Through Listening: Confront Lovingly (Proverbs 25:12; 15:31; 28:23)
How do you confront the aggressive in your life? By text? Through email? Possibly, not at all? We must lovingly confront the aggressive: “Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear” (Proverbs 25:12). Confront literally means “face to face.” Confronting by text, telephone, […]
Leading the Aggressive Through Listening: Ignore Insults (Proverbs 12:16)
What is your first reaction to an insult? Do you reciprocate or debate its validity? The aggressive designs and deploys an insult to generate a reaction — one that gives him control. When we do not react, the insult is defused. We must ignore insults, rather than immediately showing our annoyance. Solomon taught: “A fool […]
Leading the Aggressive Through Listening: Answer Gently (Proverbs 15:1)
Does the aggressive in your life ratchet up his tone to get what he wants? The aggressive will be loud, so rather than be intimidated by the volume, answer gently. Solomon said: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). A harsh word just adds fuel to anger’s […]